Sinking Fast
Today I Feel Raw
I Give You Myself

Sinking Fast

If you were to look at me
the truth about me you would never see
For I am not really the person who
laughs and jokes - thats all fake -
though you shall never know.
If though by chance you took the time
to take a closer look,
If you stopped just for one second
and looked deep into my eyes
Would you see the love I beckoned?
Would you see behind all the lies -
the truth of the person that I really am?
The pain I hold - the truth I never told.
I need you to see
I want you to know
I'm sinking fast and I'm not sure just how much longer I will last ...

© Lou
April 2000

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Today I Feel Raw

Today I feel raw
stripped bare
defenceless

everything touches me
burrows deep inside, penetrates my core
then, expanding, it consumes me

their pain cuts mine into shreds
their anger leaves me burnt and reeling

pushing buttons
keys
like an infant on a piano, banging away
unaware of the doors
careless

I don’t want to feel this
I don’t want to feel anything

I want to run, hide from it all
lock myself away inside a padded cell
draw isolation around myself
like a comforting lover
sink deep inside its embrace

still though, I stay
though it all bears down on me
steals my breath
and fills my mind with panic

a tiny part remembers how it used to be
and why

I want my skin back

Rachel Studley © 2003

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I Give You Myself

I give you myself
A card painted blue
A heart shrunken and disappeared
A mind full of pain
And flesh full of memories

I give you myself
The stench of hatred
A body full of tears
Music playing sadness
And a soul full of guilt

I give you myself

By Ilka, 2003, for all those who can relate