The Rollercoaster

Looking back now I'm sure that at some point in the last few years I caught the wrong ride. I'd always been an enthusiastic, fit a thousand things a night, kinda girl. It was part of my charm. I worked hard - played hard. Simple. That was my sixth form, the pre Sheffield years. During my A-Levels, being fond of the occasional(?) Shandy, I invented my own potent cocktail:

Pour 2 parts revision, 1 part clubbing. Stir in a generous amount of Newky Brown soaked Metal. Shake. Pour over ice. Garnish with a splash of stress, bright red hair dye and one of those cute miniature umbrellas (blue). For best results consume within 1 day of opening. Do not pass GO and do not collect £200. WARNING! Not suitable for children as contains small parts.

Two 'A's and 'B's later; it seemed to work quite well. Quite addictive, though

Enter stage left - The University of Sheffield

The cocktail continued, though the mix was modified to suit the ambience of university life (well - that's how I justified it). Now, with a bigger playground at my feet, the recreational content grew exponentially. Not being omnipotent, it only stands to reason that the study aspect began to shrink into a tiny little conscience that came to the fore on the eve of my essay deadlines. The grades were still good (how?). I had more friends than ever and enjoyed every moment. Too good to be true? It was. Somewhere hidden at it's heart lay the psyche equivalent of the 'Black Hole', drawing me in. I know this sounds lame, but I really didn't see it coming.

It was exciting at first. The lows fed the highs - keeping the lows to myself, and the highs on show for everyone to see (and experience). By the time someone, somewhere, turned up the speed I was already hooked. The lows grew deeper and the highs, less compelling. My veneer began to crack and stability became a distant dream.

Two years later I was stuck. I couldn't see past the path laid out for me. Trapped, pushing everything away from me, I rode the 'coaster- though I never knew it. With each circuit the track became more convoluted, taking me further and further into its web. As each thought went round I dug myself deeper into the psychosis that I was to reside in. The fantastic could be believed if you followed this path, eliminating all reasonable reason. I was taken into a world where fiction became fact - fact became fiction. A fairytale? (I wish). A self-destruct trip.

Why not stop - pull the emergency cord?

If you don't know, you've never been there.