Just a note: This may be a little triggery for people overcoming the effects of abuse, bullying, self harm and suicidal feelings. It's well worth the read, though, and has a positive ending. Take care of yourself, and as always if anything is brought up for you please talk to someone and keep yourself safe. xxx Rachel

My Life

Hi my name is Jillian,

I live in Licking, MO. I moved here from California about a year ago. I'm 14 years old. I was molested by my uncle for 3 years before I moved to MO. I kept it for a secret for all those years. My uncle had put a little girl in my head to distract me from telling any one. He told me if I told anyone about it he would come after me. I didn't tell my parents until summer vacation. I went to my new school in march. I was in my 1st class when these two girls who were in front of me wrote me a note asking what my name was. So I told them my name. They told me that there ex thought I was cute. I asked them "who is your ex" and they told me," the person who was looking at you." So I looked around and saw a guy looking at me. I told them, "he's cute." Well the girls gave the guy the note. The guy stated to laugh. The girls right next to me told me that was a girl. I went to the bathroom and started to cry. I then told the teacher what had happen. The teacher told the principle what happen. The girls had got suspended. I was maked fun all that year. I would eat by myself at lunch. The whole town knew. I felt so alone and that no one loved me or liked. I felt like killing myself. I was so mad at myself about my uncle and what had happen to me at school. I thought it was all my fault. I started to cut myself. Every night I would go to the kitchen and take a knife. I would run the knife against my skin until I started bleeding. I would hide my cuts with long sleeve t-shirts. One day I went coaning at a river were there are high rocks, I climbed on the rock, and thought about life, I looked down and jumped off. Before I was off the rock, my friend saw me jumping off , and catched me before I could hit the ground. I told him I wanted to commit suicide. A few moths passed. My mother saw me wearing a t-shirt that I had cut up and written on it "hoar." I told my mom I was sick, and I had suicidal thoughts. My mom took me to the Emergency room in another town. The hospital transferred me to a hospital were I would get help. I was there for two weeks. My family would travel 100 miles every day to visit me. My grandparents and parents would call me every night. I learned in the hospital that my family does love me and that I should live my life to see what happens to me in the future. I don't cut myself no more. And I have friends in school now. You could say I'm happy now and for once, I am. I'm not happy with my past, but if you wait for a few months or years you can be happy with you life.

Please write to me if you have any questions or comments at sackings1990@yahoo.com

Jillian