Just a note: This may be a triggery for people overcoming the effects of abuse or dealing with their own self harm and suicidal feelings. It's well worth the read, though, and says alot of very necessary things ... ie it's not your fault. Take care of yourself, and as always if anything is brought up for you please talk to someone and keep yourself safe. xxx Rachel

Depression, cutting, suicide and abuse

Where to start my name is Mandy I am 16 and live in the UK. I am still trying to recover from my past. At the age of 8 I was sexually abused by my older brother for over a year till I finally said something during a game of deepest darkest secrets. I wanna say to anybody who is or has experienced is the right thing to do was and is to say something make it stop no matter what you think you do NOT deserve it. Nobody has the right to do that to you. Another thing I wanna say is it is ok to love and hate someone at the same time I hate my brother for what he did but I still love him as he is my brother. I still blame myself for what happened as I must have done something to prompt it but then at the same time I take my own advice and say he had no right no matter what if anything I did he was my brother and that was WRONG

I was bullied throughout primary school and the start of secondary school and this really depleted what self esteem and self confidence I had left. I feel like a worthless useless person but am starting to build my self confidence and self esteem and see that I’m am worth alot more than I give myself credit for.

I have had depression for over a year but only started medication about 10 months ago. I went for so long trying to hide it from my parents coz I honestly thought I was going mad.

I started cutting two years ago and haven’t really stopped since. I have gone spells where I haven’t done it but always started again. My arms are covered in scars as are my legs and I say to anybody contemplating it or still doing it don’t. I am stopping. I have given blades to mum and she has locked the rest of the razors away. Self harm may be a coping strategy and the only one that you think helps but there are other ways and I have faith that you can stop.

I am a very suicidal person and when I don’t cut I start planning my own death and have had many failed attempts of suicide including overdoses and trying to hang myself. I got put in a unit for 3 days as I finally asked for help and have been told if I try and kill myself they will admit me to a ward and section me.

If anybody has experienced any of this and wants someone to talk to I am willing to listen and help in anyway possible my email address is chinchilla_nutter@yahoo.co.uk

Mandy