Sometimes My Days Are OK

sometimes my days are okay
and i think 'its gone, i’m free!'
but it comes back
it always comes back
i cant escape it
and i sit and i pray and i pray and i pray
please, please, take me away from this place
take away the pain
i don’t want to live anymore
please, please, take away the pain
and i shout at god, i swear at him
i had faith in you! why are you doing this to me?
i hate god. i hate everything. i hate myself.
the funny thing is i don’t even believe in god.
so i don’t know who i’m swearing at.
or why i’m crying
all i know is the sadness that is eating me slowly from the inside
the loneliness.
clawing at my brain
i go through the cycle every night.
begging. pleading. crying.
shouting. swearing. hating.
then wondering who the hell i’m yelling at.
and its eating me from the inside.
because just who the hell am i yelling at?
please someone tell me.
because then i can be free of it.

Anon