Today I Feel Raw

Today I feel raw
stripped bare
defenceless

everything touches me
burrows deep inside, penetrates my core
then, expanding, it consumes me

their pain cuts mine into shreds
their anger leaves me burnt and reeling

pushing buttons
keys
like an infant on a piano, banging away
unaware of the doors
careless

I don’t want to feel this
I don’t want to feel anything

I want to run, hide from it all
lock myself away inside a padded cell
draw isolation around myself
like a comforting lover
sink deep inside its embrace

still though, I stay
though it all bears down on me
steals my breath
and fills my mind with panic

a tiny part remembers how it used to be
and why

I want my skin back

Rachel Studley © 2003