Demonic Reasons

Right now my mind state is wrong, I’m not sure its ever been right
I realize I must remain strong, and hold my own while I’m still in this fight
I keep my true feelings buried deep inside of me, and my nerves hard as steel
My rage is so fucking intense there’s no way in hell you could ever feel
My inner wounds are too brutal for them to even have a slight chance to heal
Tell me, why am I cursed with this unavoidable anger, and where should I deposit the blame
The sadistic beast that reigns inside of me, lately, hasn’t felt quite the same
This must be his demonic method of amusement, but to me it’s very far from a game
The creature is gradually taking me over, despite every defensive strategy I try
Somewhere along my way I misplaced my emotions, now I can’t even cry
I wonder if at an earlier point in life, my rage would somehow have been detected
Would I have still spent all of these years blinded by ignorance, and dangerously unprotected
Would this cruel hatred still be the foundation of the merciless way that I feel
I must be hallucinating or dreaming because this fucked up life simply can’t be real
75% of the time I’m enraged, the rest I spend in total disbelief that this fucking place is so fake
I have ghastly nightmares when I sleep, because I dread being awake
I don’t know how much more of everybody’s shit I can take
Lately its been freezing, the sun hasn’t even came out
I got sick of wondering what that crazy shit was about
Now I’m used to the darkness, but I don’t like it one bit
They tell me that one day soon, the sun will come out from within its pit
BUT I’M SO FUCKING SICK OF WAITING!!
TO HELL WITH THIS SHIT!!
I QUIT!!!

By Curtis M. Grimes
11/27/02