Beginning To Bark

It's been nearly 10 months since I went off my head. One day I'm Joe Normal, the next I'm on the rollercoaster of clinical, classical depression complete with sleeplessness, inability to eat, feeling worthless and having suicidal thoughts. Who knows why it started, I certainly don't, but ordinary normal people always seem to believe that some specific episode must have kicked it off... and the shrinks and head-mechanics become fixated on pinning down this underlying, elusive 'reason' why I'm suddenly depressed.

However, I have to tell you that ever so slowly things 'do' get better. In the few months or so I've started sleeping well, eating well and now my only problems are severe lack of motivation and feeling miserable in the mornings. This is a huge improvement from how it was over Christmas and January when the Black Dog of depression had me fully in it's jaws. I was like a ghost, unable to sleep at all, lost over 30lbs in weight, suffered severe panic attacks and eventually ended up in the padded cells of the local psychiatric hospital.

I've tried a whole host of antidepressants, more than you could shake a stick at, until eventually arriving at dothiepin, with an extra smidgeon of lithium to enhance the effect. It's been a long and winding road, and oh, how tired I am of hearing platitudes like 'These things take time' or 'Small steps eat up the distance'. But it's true....people 'do' get better, and we won't always feel this way. So, my advice to anyone who reads this is 'Never give up hope, and keep on keeping on'.

Cos tomorrow is another day.

Arrrroooooooooooo!!!

Steve