Behaviours And Masks Are Me

I guess I have never really talked about what I do to myself so this may not be too long. By day I am a professional helping others in pain and crisis. By night I am in pain. Loneliness consumes me. I deal with this pain by torturing my body. I am not a cutter nor a burning. I think I may be unique in the way in which I hurt myself. I pull off my toe nails. Not is some, I pull and pick till the nail all the way under the skin is gone too. This helps me live with this pain I carry. I am not one of those who would take their own life because I believe I am meant to suffer this faith. My lot in life is to see everyone around me happy and content. I wear a mask. Everyone thinks wow He is real fun to be around. I hide well. Everyone says you have your life in order. I hide well. You have a nice car and nice stuff. Again I hide it well the pain I carry I have for maybe twenty years. Well the nail pulling stops working I mix in a little alcohol and go back to work. Someday someone will realize what pain I am in and they will either support me or cause me to run. Run. That is what I want to do. Hide where no one can see me. But you never know I may be the fun person right next to you.

Nobody Special ...