At The Ward

It was a painful experience for me, but through this pain it made me into a better person. All obstacles are lessons in disguise. Its up to you to honour them and learn from them.. I once had a mental breakdown due to a series of heartbreaking events. Rejection was the key that triggered my breakdown. I was diagnosed with acute behavioural disorder by my psychiatrist. It is a mental illness.

I had landed myself at a psychiatric ward. The guard had brought me there and I was to stay there for a certain period of time. I didn’t realise this at first. I didn’t realise I was ill. I thought this was a game. I thought I would be discharged the next morning. I had vomited last night at the university hall, and the guard had brought me to the accident and emergency department. He didn’t realise that I was mentally ill. Luckily for me, I was warded. A doctor who was on charge brought me to see a psychiatrist.

I had to take some pills and soon I was asleep. While I was at the ward, I made a few friends. There was this chinese girl beside my bed. She had this red string around her wrist. She was always staring at it. She was a pretty girl. Younger than me and she seldom smiles.

We rarely spoke to each other but soon she asked me to help her with some writing that her doctor told her to write. From that piece of paper I knew that she had been dumped by her boyfriend. She may have attempted suicide. I had helped her with her 'assignment' and she smiled. She had a beautiful smile. I think she felt better after writing down what I had told her to write. Besides her, there was also this middle-aged woman who told me she was sent there by her son because she couldn’t sleep at night.

I didn’t enjoy my stay there. I hated the medicine. I hated the nurses .I only trusted my psychiatrist, but he was rarely around. I didn’t call my parents. The nurses had taken my handphone away. Not only that, they had taken my purse and my clothes away too! I had to wear the same uniform everyone else in that room was wearing. One day, I was tied down. My arms and feet were tied and I was moved to a deserted room. I couldn’t move. The doctor had injected something at my calves. I was all alone in that room. I wanted to get away. I was scared. I started screaming for help. I screamed and called out the names of the people I used to know. Soon, maybe due to the drug, I fell asleep. Later I realised that this was part of the therapy to help me get well.

I felt like I was in a prison. There was this special room. There was a TV and a table tennis there. I rarely watched television, but i loved playing table tennis. The male and female were separated and it was at this special place that we mixed around with the opposite sex. There were books and magazines. But you had to put them back when you had finished with them.

I had some visitors. My dancing friends came and also my theatre friends. My warden came too, along with the president of my college. My cousin who was a medical student there, came too. So did my other friends. They all brought me food and cards. I felt much better seeing them. An important visitor came to see me. He was the vice-chancellor of my university at that time. I was touched. He gave me a turtle _shaped pendant which i treasure very much till this very day.

That turtle-shaped pendant was very symbolic to me. I was like that turtle. The thing about the turtle is that they always return back to their place of birth after wandering around the world. It’s like the ocean and the shore. I have been so involved with things that I thought was more important and now it’s a time of reflection. A time to get back to the real truth. My parents soon came. I couldn’t remember the events but my father said when he saw me on the bed, he hugged me and said that he will take care of me. He cried at seeing the state I was in. My mother and sister came too. They helped me dress up and after that I couldn’t remember because I was drugged. The doctor had given me an injection and when I woke up I was at my home in Melaka. I took a one semester break and stayed at home. Not many people called me at home. They were all scared of me. I learned the true meaning of friendship. Being a true friend is someone who is willing to accept you as you are no matter what happens.

Inas Ahmad Khidir