My Experience

Hi, I’m Dave G, I came across this site today and read the poems and views etc, anyway, so much of it I relate to, I’m 27 and I’ve suffered from depression since about age 15, first of all I lost the ability to do what I done best and that was sleep, my sleep slowly deteriorated until I struggled to get any sleep at all. I started eating less and became a bad person to be around because of the changes in my mood. I went from being an easy going person that was well loved by many people to having a very short fuse and exploding at people for the slightest things. I lost a vast majority of friends because of this, which in turn made me worse coz I had nobody to turn to when I needed them although at the time in that state of mind I didn't care about them, my family or myself. I started drinking heavily which made me aggressive and because of that I lost all my friends, I was alone and hating life.

18 months had passed and I had stopped drinking and became a slightly better person to be around and old friends came back now realizing I wasn't the person I used to be because of my mental health. I started smoking dope, at the time it was good, it took me to a different state of mind to normality. By the age of 17 I had many suicidal thoughts, I had walked in front of cars, busses etc but I never managed to do any severe damage to myself but I got sympathy which kept me going coz there were people there with me, I hated to be alone. I started seeing a shrink which didn’t help me in the slightest but refused to be put on the anti-depressants..... I wanted to make myself better not rely on little pills. I had lost so much weight and looked very pale and ill, due to not eating for long periods of time and eating very little when I did. I wasn’t getting better.

Soon after my 19th, I lost a close friend in a car accident, 2 weeks after that my grandfather died and then 4 days later another close friend died in a fire at the hotel he was staying in. This screwed me completely, I’d sit and rock back and forth for hours. Then I started cutting myself, I knew someone that did this after her dad died and it always seemed to help her (she was an ex-girlfriend). It did help for a while but when I started getting some severe scars friends noticed and I stopped. It was then I decided I had to start taking the pills to see if they would work because I was getting to the point where I didn’t want to live again.

7 years later at 27years old I am still taking the pills and seeing a shrink, I wished by this time I would be better but I’m not. I am now just plodding along, normally in a world of my own though. Days still role into each other due to not sleeping properly and I’m now just about eating properly. I hate relying on friends, family and pills but that’s the only way forward for me at the moment. Maybe soon I can come off the pills and I can just get on with life feeling happy in myself. Who knows what will happen ... we shall see.

If your reading this and haven't posted on here before like me, really think about doing it because its good to know your not the only one out there and its nice to be able to get it off your chest around people that understand. I feel this site had done a lot of good and I expect its helped a lot of people with their problems.

Thank you everybody out there that has helped me to keep my head where it should be

I love you all

Dave G