Just a note: Some people may find this article triggering - especially if they're struggling with self harm or are survivors of abuse. As always, take care and get support if you need it xxx Rachel

Sara’s Story

I don't know where to start. My name is Sara and I am 15 years old. I have been struggling with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and OCD for about 4 years now, but I didn't get help for it until 5 months ago. My parents are divorced and I live with my Mom, Grandfather, 2 sisters, and a dog. My dad physically, sexually, and emotionally abused me for practically my whole entire life. I don't talk to him anymore. He is remarried and has a new family now. My Mom has a fiancé, and he's pretty cool. He is very supportive and understanding. My grandma died when I was 11 and I had a very tough time letting go. She was my best friend. She was always there for me. I miss her so much.

I started cutting when I was 13. It was my way of releasing the pain I had inside. Sometimes each cut would be a wish to die, and other times it was mostly because I was angry with myself. I had many suicidal thoughts. It wasn't that I wished I was dead, it was more like, I wished I was in a place other than here. One day though, I finally started to get help for my problems. I started talking with my school guidance counsellor and school nurse. They were very caring and understanding, but they couldn't solve all my problems. So, they advised me to go get help from professionals in that area. I was sent to a hospital for about 10 days and put on a medicine called Prozac.

When I finally got out of the hospital, I went straight back to school. Somehow a lot of people in my school found out that I was in a hospital for cutting/suicide, they immediately called me a psycho. Most of my friends stabbed me in the back. I was very hurt. Then I went back to my old ways. Hurting myself. Except this time it was worse. But I did the right thing and went back to my guidance counsellor and school nurse. I was sent to the hospital again. This time they changed my medication to Zoloft. I spent another 2 weeks there and then they discharged me. But I wasn't going back to school this time. I was sent to a Partial Program. I was there for about 2 months. There were wonderful counsellors, and good doctors there. I am thankful to have met them all. After I was discharged out of the there, I went to a therapist, who I am with now. He is very cool to talk to, and also very easy to talk to.

I learned so many things from all the places I have went for help. I haven't cut for 3 months now, and I am very proud of myself. I know that I have done the right thing and I don't care what anybody has to say about that. My opinion is the only one that matters. I know all of my problems haven't not just all of a sudden disappeared. Life is very hard sometimes and people can be very hurtful, but I accept the fact that my life isn't going to be the way I want it to be. I can't change people, but I can change myself.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you have something bothering you, talk to somebody. Don't hold it inside, because you can't get rid of it that way. You have to let bottled up feelings out so someone can help find a way to help you. Once you get the help that you need, it is definitely worth it. It is very rewarding to look back at the pain in the past and know that you have overcome all that. The most important thing about getting through things is never giving up!

Sara

"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny."- Albert Ellis

"Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever..."- Isak Dinesen