Just a note: Some of you might find this account a bit triggery, especially if you're struggling with self harm and the after effects of abuse. As always, only read this if you feel strong enough to - and talk to someone if you're affected by it. Take care xxx Rachel

My Story

My names Tayla and I am 15 years old.. my parents are divorced but they are friends... I never knew about cutting until I met a girl in my school who had scars all over her, and I mean ALL over, she couldn’t wear anything to cover every scar she had. One day I was talking to her and then somehow we got in the convo of it and she told me of how everything just floats away, pain n everything is gone. I really didn’t believe her n thought she was crazy for doing it and maybe thought she had some mental issues.

About 2 months later I had a boyfriend who never understood the meaning of (no and stop).. it turns out I was sexually abused by him, and after I broke it off cuz I couldn’t take it anymore, I was in the shower shaving and I thought about my friend at school as I held the razor to my leg I just slid it sideways.. I didn’t feel much until 2 seconds later I felt lil stings. I thought maybe I did it wrong so I got out and went into my room where I had a pencil sharpener and took it out n tried. From that moment on I have been hooked. It didn’t get as bad as it did until the next year when some boys would call me goth and fat and every name in the book. It got so bad I had to take razors to school to calm me down when they started up again, and everyday I would run into the house and just sit myself down and just start slashing uncontrollably until about my whole arm was full and it was make everything go away the pain , the sorrow , the guilt .. it felt so good I never wanted my blade to leave my sight...

Then one day my friend Dave came over he saw my cuts and started flipping out n asked me were my blades were.. I refused to give them to him and he told me he would tell my parents if I didn’t so I gave them all and he took them n buried them in my yard .. when he went to go to the bathroom, I went PSYCHO! I just start digging my blades up furiously.. just turning into some animal he saw me and pulled me back .. from that day I never knew how addicted I was.. it scared me .. scared me alot but then after 2 years a friend told the school about me and I got help.. but secretly I’m still doing it.. it’s such a bad addiction. I have read that self harm is a tougher addiction to pass then drugs and alcohol. I’m scared to stop because it helps me like no other person or help or treatment can, but I know it scares alot of my friends and my boyfriend who I am currently with. I’m trying to stop, but its soo hard and if anyone is reading this PLZZ know that you are not alone! trust me!

** Tayla **