Self Acceptance

My first Hospital admissions was to the Argyll and Bute Psychiatric Hospital at Lochgilphead, Argyll, Scotland, I was “Manic” in the extreme and considered to be in a Florid Psychotic State, a description I’ve always considered to be a complete and utter understatement of the experience. Subsequent visits were thankfully not so severe. After about a fortnight I’d recovered my thought process sufficiently to wonder what I would inform people/friends of where I’d been for so long. I live in a small community where basically everyone knows each other’s business and an absence of a month or longer would be quite noticeable. Having given the problem much though I decided that I would tell the truth and If anyone had a problem with the fact that I had a Mental Illness then that was their problem not mine, after all it’s not possible to have control over what others think of you so in reality there’s no point worrying about it.

Although I didn’t realise it, this was the first step towards acceptance of my Self, I thought often about my Mental Illness, the Good that was in me and also the Bad. I thought of the wrongs that I’d done to others and also the mistakes that I’d made in life. I eventually decided that I was human and therefore no different from anyone else.

The Golden Rule in life is to treat others, as you would wish to be treated yourself, like everyone else on this planet I’ve broken the rule many times but hope with my new insight this will happen less frequently and eventually stop. There is an old saying that [the person who’s never made a mistake has never made anything]. I think that’s very profound, it’s not always wrong to make mistakes as we often learn from them and progress/develop as a result.

With total acceptance of my self I began to realise the concept of unconditional love of my self and then of all others, we are all ONE whether we are aware of it or not.

My Mental Illness was the catalyst that made me evaluate my life; it didn’t happen overnight, sometimes I’m unable to marshal my thoughts due to lack of concentration and the process has taken me several years. It’s an ill wind that blows nobody any good and even the experience of Mental Illness can possibly have an obscure beneficial effect for some.

I would like to thank all the people who have and are helping me. Everyone at the A & B Hospital, not only the Nurses and Doctors but fellow patients also every other employee who runs the Hospital like the cleaning ladies, canteen ladies, the kitchen staff plus the administrators and not forgetting “Arthur” the large black hospital cat who always accepted me as I was and didn’t make any judgements. At home I would like to thank my GP, CPNs, all at the Link Club, the police, friends and last but not least my very supportive family.

Alistair MacDonald