Writing Your Life Story

I say of my book that it started out as a suicide note and ended as a celebration of life. How could that be?

Writing your life story does so much for you. It gives you opportunity to reflect, it empowers you because you have nothing to hide any more.

I have said to people, with my book in my hand, “I can close the book on my painful past now.” This may sound flippant but a strange thing happened when I first read my book after it was published. When your pain is inside you, along with your bad memories, it is easy to self-hate. But when I read my book, I felt an immense empathy for all the characters in my book, even for myself, and I had a better understanding and respect for my life. I went through shit, made a lot of mistakes, but I could see I was only human with the right to be happy, who could laugh and love.

Also, it’s so cool to sign people’s copies of the book and to hear that reading the book helped them. That’s the best thing about it and makes me glad of writing a book that I had thought once maybe exposed too much.

During my worst depressions, writing gave me a reason to wake up in the morning. Would I still have carried on writing if I never was published? Of course I would. One of my favourite writers, Charles Bukowski, said of writing: ‘It is the last expectation, the last explanation, that’s what writing is’. A plain piece of paper won’t judge you, criticize you. And above all it won’t lie to you. If you can’t say what needs to be said face to face, write it down.

People with mental health problems that are able should think about to either writing their story or at least telling it. Their lives shouldn’t be what they think are dirty secrets they have to hide. One woman shook her head sadly and said, “I can’t, it’s too painful. And besides, nobody wants to hear it.” That’s what I thought once. I now know that to be untrue. People, men and women, young and old, rich and poor, have taken me aside after reading my book and say, sometimes with tears in their eyes, “This happened to me too… but please don’t tell anyone that it did.” This is painfully sad. Because I think if you don’t share it positively, it’ll manifest somewhere else, in your body, in your relationship to others and the world. For example, it can be seen in some people’s eyes; they try to smile, but their eyes don’t believe it. Their eyes are telling their story – something about their life always will. So you might as well have some control over it.

For me creativity gave me control in a world where because of a diagnosis I had no control. A South American poet said, “Take away someone’s creativity and you take away their humanity. Give someone back their creativity, and you give back their life.” I found this to be true while writing my story, and every day after too. My creativity is my lifeline. As long as I can create I can live deeply.

I don’t think Jason realizes how much he has helped me. Chipmunka’s books have saved lives. It certainly saved mine.

Dolly Sen

Dolly's book, 'The World Is Full Of Laughter', is available to buy from Chipmunka Publishing